Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
