Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
wanna go halves on a baby?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.