As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..