ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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