im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
