may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
