he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
