i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
