Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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