The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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