You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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