I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
