You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She told me I should be a condom model.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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