And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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