at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm passing your future prison.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
