On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
