Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
