i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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