There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
