he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
