I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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