i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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