I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just invented taco cereal.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
