If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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