The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
