I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
