why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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