She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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