i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
two words...techno handjob
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
