yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
