I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
