i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
