my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
