Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
