Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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