What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
