you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
