This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
