I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
