P.S. I can't hear my feet
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
