I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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