I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I pour the whiskey from now on
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
