so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
