So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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