I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
