good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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