Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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