Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
