Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
