I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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