I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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