I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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