Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
