Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
