I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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