addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
