He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
