so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
