He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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