he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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