It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
