i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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