Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
